As I walk through this season, if I’m really honest, I do have fear about my future, based on my past.

I’m not a helpless victim. There were many opportunities for me to do things better, to handle situations differently, to keep my mouth shut. It doesn’t matter whether or not my grievances were true. I wasn’t honoring God and I could have/should have handled things differently, more directly. Griping behind someone’s back never honors the relationship. I regret my choices, even if they weren’t the reason I was terminated. They do not reflect the level of character & integrity I want to possess. Its a lesson I’m continuing to learn.

Years ago I lost a job due to false accusations made by another co-worker. The conversation never happened (with me anyway) and the information she claimed I shared wasn’t even accurate. It was a shock. It hurt. It was God’s way of moving me on from an otherwise bad situation that I probably wouldn’t have left on my own. It left me with emotional scars I’m still healing from today.

Deep down, one of my biggest fears is that it’s too late, I have too much stacked against me. No one will ever hire me again.

I have a lot of great things to offer: I work really hard. I learn fast. I’m eager to please & try to do my best to make the load lighter for others. I’m intelligent (with enough coffee). I’m dependable, dedicated, & loyal. I’m good with people. I’m fairly well-spoken. I can operate a computer & learn most programs pretty easily. I do good work.

Still, I am far from perfect. I fall short. Sometimes my best effort is not enough. My fear is that potential employers will look at my resume, see the gaps in my work history, & move on. They don’t know me, why take a chance? I don’t blame them, but my fear is that I will never be enough. I fear that life will always be this way.

Today, God assured me that I don’t have to be enough because He is. In reading my daily devotional, I came across this quote from Joyce Meyer:

“Today, don’t just hear about grace, but understand that everything in our lives depends not on our merits or abilities or works, but on God’s willingness to use His infinite power to meet our needs. This is grace.” – Joyce Meyer

You can read the entire passage here. I recommend you do.

It left me with the peace of knowing its not about me. Yes, I still need to work hard. I need to keep trying. I need to work on my weaknesses & I need to do better. But, I can’t earn God’s blessings or provision. That’s a relief for me, as I impatiently wait for a breakthrough. Of course, I knew all along that it was God who would open doors & make a way. Still, its helpful to be reminded that He’s not limited by my shortcomings.

Ephesians 2:8 reminds us, “God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.” HE saved me. I belong to him. I am His child. He will take care of me.

“The Lord will not abandon his people, because that would dishonor his great name. For it has pleased the Lord to make you his very own people.” (1 Samuel 12:22)

I know I share a lot online, but I’m hesitant to speak publicly about work-related things, especially during a season where I’m hunting for a job. Admitting I’m aware I’m not perfect seems counter-productive. However, I’m more excited about what God is doing in my heart than I am afraid of how I may look & of potential repercussions.

I want this season to end. I can’t wait to get back to work. I really hope its soon. Until that time, I will do my best to honor God in my current season, & praise Him for His GRACE.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. judybeauchemin
    Sep 13, 2013 @ 19:44:25

    You have learned so much and grown from the experiences that God brought into your life. Most people do not have that kind of personal insight. It is so much easier to see faults in others, than it is to look at ourselves. We are all imperfect. We all learn as we grow, but some people never change as they see their shortcomings. I admire you so much for who you are. You are a kind and beautiful soul. God continues to work in your life. He loves you so much and so do I.

    Liked by 1 person


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: